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A faithful presence of love in the absences of our city.

Hiding Place

hiding place

*Disclaimer: I know I am supposed to be writing a sermon reflection blog, but I would just like to mention that I’m fighting the urge to write a whole blog about how thankful I am for this church family, and spend some time gushing about how thoughtful, intentional, and generous y’all are to send me “off” so well celebrated. THANK YOU*

Now, back to the sermon. What’s weighing on my heart the heaviest is the theme and reality of judgement in this passage. Pastor Justin made sure to highlight this in his sermon Sunday, and so accurately described the tension we feel being caught in the middle of saved and still sinful. We know there is evil in the world, and a lot of it causes suffering that cannot be explained, balanced, or made fair… when we witness or experience evil, something deep within us longs for justice. We want things to be made right, we want the one committing wrong to face consequences, we want to bring comfort to those who are afflicted.

Then whack, you get hit with this wave of fear. The unsettling recognition that you yourself are not only a victim, but a perpetrator of wrong, deserving of the same judgement and consequences. My heart ached as Pastor Justin talked about the book of private and public deeds, all my wrongs, every word, every attitude, every action that has not honored God throughout my life...and I’m only 26. Like...Lord, have mercy, there is a good chance I have a few more years of wrongs left to record which was almost too much for me to bear. I had flashbacks of some of the worst things I’ve said to people I love in the midst of a fight, the many times I have given into anxiety and fear rather than trusting God’s hand, areas where I have pushed boundaries and pursued my own selfish desires at the expense of others. I got so lost thinking about the first book, the list of every wrong I deserve to be judged for… I had this urge not only to hide in embarrassment, but also to work harder and do better and try to minimize all my sinful deeds from here on out! There is some right motivation in that conviction... a healthy dose of fear, a necessary reminder that my moment to moment behaviors and thoughts are not insignificant in the grand story God has invited me into...but, like Justin reminded us, we can’t measure up to God’s standards, and really we can’t even measure up to our own moral standards. We all fall short, and we’re all found in need of another book to have any shot at holiness.

It just takes one look inward, folks. One moment of reflecting on the ways we have not honored God to know that we are at enmity with God. That is why we set aside time for this every Sunday in worship, we must practice recognizing and confessing the darkness within us to be able to recognize our need for a savior. Charlie brought so much encouragement to me on Sunday introducing the Confession of Sin. There is joy in confessing, friends, because in Christ, confession is followed by an assurance of pardon. Underserved mercy, a promise beyond what we could ever hope or imagine.

If taking a look inward has not driven us to our knees in search of our Refuge, then we are either asleep or fools. Our culture loves to numb pain-- give me all the ice cream, netflix, relationships, alcohol, handbags, adventures and travel...I don’t want to feel a thing. We hide in hobbies, in careers, in families, in fleeting pleasures and constant distractions, never slowing down to face the sharp edges of the evil within our own hearts. This is our call, Christians: Judgement is coming, may we lean into feeling the weight of our sin, may we hate evil all the more, and may we turn and hide in Jesus, our Refuge and our Saving Grace.

~ Emily Leslie