“The grandest seduction of all is the myth that DOING EVERYTHING BETTER gets us where we want to be. It gets us somewhere, certainly, but not anywhere worth being.”

–Shauna Niequist

Elementary school’s “Student of the month” paves the way for middle school’s “Accolade board”, those kids end up in the Honor Society in high school, and once you’re to college, it’s all about your GPA. We grow up in a world that assesses the value of an individual by what they can accomplish. I bought this hook, line and sinker growing up, and when it was time for me to spread my semi-adult wings and leave the house, my mother handed me a book called Grace for the Good-Girl. It had a yellow canary in a birdcage on the front cover, and I was not impressed. My mom was worried, because she knew me well enough to know that I was crippled by the demands of the “little l law”, and even though I couldn’t see it…she knew.

In his book The Soul of Our Shame Curt Thompson perfectly describes my experience of constant striving: “sooner or later I’m going to be found out to be the fraud that I am.” This belief hangs a banner over me of shame. I try to do everything better, and I’m never as good as I want to be…but other people are somewhat fooled by it and think I’m pretty good at some things, which provides a false and fleeting respite.

In Sunday’s sermon, Justin reminded us that you can’t earn love by presenting a better version of yourself. It’s just a false self, and a false self can’t give or receive love…it can only act like it can. It’s crushing to live under the demands of the law, trying to earn favor. The problem is that apart from God’s grace, out in the big, scary, value-assessing world…it kind of works for a little bit. But the price you pay is that shame taints your every endeavor.

Coming from a life-long passion for merits, the gospel makes no sense. Grace says no to the rat race of trying to measure up, trying to do everything better…it’s an equalizer. Grace allows for an even distribution of one-way love, it makes no distinctions between receivers. This is good news for perfectionists like me, who have made every effort to be deserving of love and feel the weight of falling short. It’s so counterintuitive, nothing else in this world promises to love me if I can’t come through, if I’m not living up to my half of the bargain, if I’m not “worth it”. So why does God? Well, for His Glory, and for my joy.

When you are freed from the burden of having to live perfectly to earn love, you are freed to live authentically, mistakes and all. There is no longer fear of being found out as a fraud and no need to pretend to be something you are not, because what you are is loved. Your badge is Jesus Christ, and his banner over you is love. This opens the door for a different experience of life on this side of heaven, one that is able to give one-way love because we know what it’s like to receive it. Whether your measuring stick is your math-wiz older brother, your always-one-step-ahead-of-you cousin, your beloved baby sister, your parents' expectations, your grade point average, the behavior of your toddler in church, or your prestigious job…Jesus came to extend grace, and to set aside every earthly thing we use to try to measure up.